By James Clear

In my opinion, becoming the kind of person you want to be is the best kind of self-care. ‘Becoming’ is an endless journey, but the knowledge you are headed where you want to go brings tremendous peace and happiness. Focusing on habits (‘pick up for 5 mins each morning’) instead of goals (‘clean my room’) leads to accomplishing your goals on a larger, more life-changing level.

By David Burns

Quit talking smack to yourself! This book (and David Burn’s podcast) are full of stories and examples of the various types of self-defeating beliefs and self-talk we frequently limit ourselves with.

By Joel Mark Witt and Antonia Dodge

MBTI and the Big 5 are useful tools to understand what makes you and those you around you tick. The MBTI test in the back of this book is more accurate than most, and there is a chapter on each MBTI processing type.

By Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler and Emily Gregory

My favorite takeaway from this book is the concept of the ‘shared pool of meaning’. The purpose of excellent communication is to help everyone feel comfortable adding their sincere feedback and allowing space for others to do the same. ‘Silence or violence’ are the most common signs that people do not feel safe contributing.

By Tim Marks

This book is the best summary I have ever seen regarding the logistics and skills needed to smooth the way for healthy conversations.

“Don’t try to hold it in. When conflict isn’t resolved, it doesn’t go away but only goes underground. Conflict will be talked about, eventually- if not with the person involved, then with some who are NOT involved. Again, the word for this is GOSSIP. And gossip is the sound of cowardice.”

“Meet face to face to address conflicts instead of relying on electronic communications...The bigger the conflict, the closer you need to physically be when you resolve things.”

By Bill Eddy

If the main and persistent goal of the person you are communicating with is to avoid responsibility, cause drama, and/or get what they want, then typical communication skills will not work and even can end up being gasoline on an entitled fire. Bill Eddy is a lawyer and has clear advice on how to minimize the harm caused in these circumstances. Summed up: Back away slowly, politely, and publicly.

By David Burns

Full of practical wisdom, loving advice, and helpful examples!

“After all, this is how you learned how to walk. You didn't just jump up from your crib one day and waltz gracefully across the room. You stumbled and fell on your face and got up and tried again. At what age are you suddenly expected to know everything and never make any more mistakes? If you can love and respect yourself in failure, worlds of adventure and new experiences will open up before you, and your fears will vanish.”

with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

This is a subscription podcast that allows you to listen in on real intimacy coaching sessions.

By David Schnarch

The best sex book in existence. “Take heart: marriage is more elegant than we dare believe. It can bring you bliss, but it’s harder than many people recognize.”

By Ian Kerner

Excellent place to start if skills are what is lagging.

By Sheila Gregoire

Debunks some long-held cultural falsehoods and addresses roadblocks Christians may face when attempting to create an excellent sexual relationship in their marriages.

By Cami Hurst.

This is a presentation based on Cami Hurst’s doctoral dissertation, explaining the impact of sexual coercion and consenting to unwanted sex (Sex aversion and PTSD symptoms galore…). Click here for the link.

By John Van Epp.

Excellent book on keeping your levels of trust and touch in balance with knowledge and time.

By Henry Cloud

Stand up for yourself sooner than later and pay close attention to how your date handles not getting what they want. Keep your friends!

By Jim Walkup

What is most important to your fiancee about parenting? Sex? Religion? Money? This book is full of discussion-provoking questions and quizzes.

By Glenn Latham

A loving treatise on parenting, with a focus on behavioral research as well as what is best for teens. Compassion and logic for both parents and children. I am always a better parent when I read it, and I need to read it more often!

By Glenn Latham

Summed up- what you pay attention to is what you get. I love reading books that have real-life case studies to illustrate if and how their recommended solution works. I strongly recommend this book for parents of young children.

By Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

Even my kids like to read this one. Full of cartoon illustrations of healthy and effective conversations (as well as illustrations of UNHEALTHY and INEFFECTIVE conversations), this book is a fun and practical read. Covering topics from the high-conflict to the everyday (how to give compliments) I think this is a book anyone would benefit from.

By Ross Greene

I cried when I read this book, as well as the author’s book “Lost at School”. I felt seen and understood. Ross Greene has so much compassion for those who struggle to survive in mainstream settings. The title of one of his newest books sums up his philosophy very well: “Lost and Found: Unlocking Collaboration and Compassion to Help Our Most Vulnerable, Misunderstood Students.”

By Lundy Bancroft

A brilliant band-aid ripper of a book. Bancroft debunks all the myths around abuse and brings the real hows and whys out into the light.

With Chris Moles

Chris Moles is a biblical counselor and a gem of a speaker. Emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and physical abuse are all behaviors that flow from the same source of control and entitlement. Abusers are more likely to be charismatic hand-shakers who care strongly what other people think about them. Church communities tend to prioritize the marriage as an entity above the safety and health of the individuals in the marriage…Chris Moles is my kind of rock star and I could go on and on!

By Darby Strickland

An elegant and thorough book written to educate church leaders and counselors on what abuse (she very fittingly terms it ‘oppression’) might look like from the outside, and how to respectfully and safely be of help.

By Leslie Vernick

Abuse is a pattern of attempts to control or diminish someone else. These patterns can be blatant or subtle and may be difficult to notice if you have acclimated to them. There are basics of safety and mutuality that must be in place before the work of healing a marriage can even begin.